How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.
How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
ÒThanks for the refill!
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There'll be white-out on the screen.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.
Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.
How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.
Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
Why dont blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside?
A brain tumor.
What did the blonde call her zebra?
Spot.
What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common.
You often hear about them, but you never see one.
Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.
How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true.
What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.
How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.
What's the definition of gross ignorance?
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
How do you change a blonde's mind?
What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
How do you keep a blonde busy?
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
What is the mating call of a blonde?
What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
What is the mating call of a brunette?
Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
What does a blonde use for birth control?
How does a blonde like her eggs?
What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came
upon some tracks.
A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing
her jigsaw
One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland.
As they passed
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were
all walking down
Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this,
buy us that!
I once knew a suicide blonde, she dyed by her
own hands.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said
that she'd like a
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through
the park.
On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought
into the
A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked
at her driver's
Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six
young boys, all of
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading
many books on
The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who
are you, God? The
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb.
Then, one of
Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to
change
Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead,
were stranded on
After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began
to get tired.
Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of
the three. And
Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios?
What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
How do you confuse a blonde?
How does a blonde confuse you?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
With a tire gauge.
Blow in her ear.
ÒI'll go and call 911, what's the number?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
Collecting her thoughts.
An air mattress.
A golden retriever.
To hide the valve stem.
She has a checkbook.
Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.
Proofreading.
Because red means Stop.
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
I'm soooo drunk!
I said, ÔI'm drunk!
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
Is it mine?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
Brown hair-dye.
Unfertilized.
sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time
she finally reached
the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
The first blonde said, You know, those look like
deer tracks. The
other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks.
They were still
arguing about it when a train hit them.
puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said
2-5 years.
through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway
that said,
Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went
home.
the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill
lying on the ground.
Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get
to the money first,
her friends didn't exist.
medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces
she'd like to have
it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please,
said the blonde.
I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a
dead birdie. The
blonde looked up and said, Where?
hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips.
When the doctors
asked her what had happened, she said that she had
caught her
boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to
retaliate by
blowing his car up.
license and saw that she had an ÔF' in sex.
whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked,
Why did you name all
of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can
keep track of 'em. The
aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track
of 'em? How the heck
can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'?
The blonde looked at
her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just
call them by their
last names.
the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment,
she made
for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her
comfy foot stool,
she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly,
as if from
the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE
NO FISH THERE!
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice,
poured a cup of
cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another
hole. Again, a
voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde,
now worried, moved
to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool,
and once again tried
to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said,
THERE ARE NO FISH
THERE!
voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE @$#&!
ICE RINK!
them decides to call 911.
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in?
B: Yes.
O: Is the power in the house turned
on?
B: Of course!
O: And the switch is on?
B: Yes, yes!
O: And the bulb still won't light
up?
B: Actually, the bulb's working
fine.
O: Then what's the problem?
B: Well, we got dizzy spinning
the ladder around, and we all fell
off and hurt
ourselves.
an island. The brunette looked over the water to
the mainland and
estimated the distance to be about twenty miles.
So, she announced
that she was going to try and swim back.
However, determined to keep at it, she kept going.
Unfortunately,
ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned.
The redhead, who was
stronger than the brunette had been, decided to
give it a try. After
getting out about ten miles or so, she too began
to get tired.
Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep
going; only five
miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted
and drowned.
so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten,
she knew that
she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam
away from the
island, and was making good time. She passed ten
miles easily;
however, when she reached fifteen, she began to
get tired, too.
But she kept going.
the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the
blonde realized
that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam
back.
Ahh, donut seeds!
A brunette that told too many blonde jokes (grin).
Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
She tells you she did.